Hope you’re all good! Thanks for sticking with me if you’re reading this, it’s appreciated ❤️
As I’ve said before, there are a wealth of unedited blog posts on my phone that I could’ve used but I really wanted to write something special today. It’s something that’d probably be best off in a diary, but when have I ever been accused of being private eh?! So instead of a Brew with Beth, grab a cuppa and have a Brew with Baby N!
I’m so excited for this next chapter of our life that’s coming up! Excited, nervous, apprehensive, already so in love (?!) but all of these emotions are served with a healthy dose of ‘shitting my pants’.
The gender of little one may be let slip at some point so I’ll just get it over and done with now. It’ll be pretty hard to write this and refer to them as anything but ‘she’.
I’m going to write this to you, sweet girl. I would love for you to read these one day and get to know me, Beth, and not ‘mum’ (oh my gosh!!!!!!) which I really struggled with my mum. She was always just mum, when really there is this incredible person behind the important job. I wish I’d got to know and appreciate her sooner. By the way, you’re going to love her! (Both Beth & Janet, but mainly Jan Jan)
We knew from the very first day you’d be a girl. I dreamt about you as we left our honeymoon in Mexico. Perhaps it was because all of the wedding mania and our million holidays were done and we knew we were going to start trying for you. You were so vivid! Which is weird to say because you looked blurry, but I felt you as a person. The overwhelming sense of kindness and strength from this blurry being in my imagination, it was so powerful. I’m not spiritual but this was the weirdest thing ever and I think it was truly you coming to visit to, just a year or so early.
I’ve got a confession to make; I always said ‘I hope I don’t have a girl’. The reasoning there was always ‘because they’ll turn out like me’ – that was more a reflection on my opinion of myself, not you! Upon thinking about this more, it’s most likely because I’m scared for you. I’ve never much liked being a woman; There are so many things that have happened that would’ve turned out differently if I was a man. That’s not me ranting or raving, just the truth. Maybe that’s a conversation we have in the future. All we can do now is try and make the world a better place so you don’t face those thing. We’ll find a way to better equip you with the tools you’ll need to safely navigate this crazy world. None of this is coming out how it was intended. In a haze of morning sickness, when it was legit too painful to even open my eyes, this post came to me. Such eloquent words came to mind and it was actually emotional to think about – fast forward to writing it and it’s really not come to fruition!
Before this is wrapped up, there’s something that’s really important to us that you know. If you’re reading this in 16 years and things with your dad & I have gone tits up (I hope not – unless he turned into a massive turd then you know… boy, bye!) but you were made with so much love and you are so wanted. Id’ve liked to have been told that.
21 weeks until we meet you baby girl. Counting down the weeks, days and seconds. In a nice twist of fate, whilst writing this I felt you move for the first time. It was pure magic!
Hopefully the next post will tell you more about me. Despite the amount of times the word ‘I’ has been used, this one was intended to be all about you ❤️